I have put down all my vocals and guitar for the Crossing Oceans EP with Mr Paul West at Awesome Source Music, and yesterday he married my sister! It is no coincidence that I am choosing today to leave – I would have left a lot earlier having been made redundant in July, but waited for the wedding of course. And here we are. But I didn’t think today was going to make me feel this sick. When you are at a wedding between an old friend and your sister, who is carrying an early draft of what is bound to be a genius baby, it kinda hits you in the face what you are going to be missing out on. Amongst friends we danced ridiculously and chatted without nonsense pleasantries. I think it was so perfect and comfortable I hardly realised it was happening. Saying goodbye to each of the family one by one today was tearful every time, and I thought “what the hell am I doing?” a fair few times.
But something in me needs to be adventuring. I get depressed without it, quite seriously. Okay so it doesn’t have to be a complete ditching of everything every time but maybe this is because I have left it so long, like an argument with a loved one that builds up way beyond proportion.
To leave Rachel was hard as we are close, but there is a symmetry in it – I came back from Honduras 10 years ago for my other sister’s wedding. And Rachel has a husband to look after her now! I am sad to leave them all, although some cheesy fridge magnet once taught me that you need to avoid being a character in someone else’s story. And so on goes this story.
I don’t intend to make all these blogs quite this mushy don’t you worry – but you will get what is on my mind and this is it today!